Relationship Status: In Quarantine
Relationship Status: In Quarantine
The threats to our health of the coronavirus, which affects the whole world, are obvious. But will our romantic relationship survive the social isolation imposed by the pandemic? In this strange period when we were trying to find our way without a compass under the authority of the epidemic, when we were locked in our house and desolate, we asked the question to the experts.
The good news is that if you are married or share a home with your partner, you have a partner, support, with whom you can face social isolation hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. The bad news is that your relationship will face a tough test in this period when you are trapped between four walls and sever your physical ties with the outside world. Whether it's a ten-year marriage that passed the compatibility test or a fledgling three-month relationship, everyone living under the same roof is undoubtedly under pressure.
In an interview with The Independent, Aidan Jones, CEO of the British charity Relate, which provides therapy services to couples, families and singles, summed up the situation as follows: “Our relationships will play a positive role in getting through this radical era that we have never experienced in the past. However, it is useful to take into account the isolation, distance rules and financial concerns brought about by the new order. Because all these factors are likely to cause stress in relationships and cause discussions. " There are also more pessimistic predictions. According to Dr. Lucy Atcheson, the experience of quarantine is like putting all the problems in the relationship into a pan and cooking it over a high fire. “We're talking about a closed atmosphere that can trigger awakening, that is, some kind of existential awareness,” says the famous author and psychologist, who supports his clients through virtual sessions these days. He may adopt the 'short' logic and suddenly end the relationship. "
Is love really blind? Considering the divorce rates in China, which survived the first wave of the coronavirus epidemic, it cannot be said that it is. So much so that government offices serving in many regions of the country such as Xi'an, Dazhou and Fuzhou are experiencing their busiest days in history since the first days of March, when the quarantine rules were relaxed. According to the officials, the reason for the record increase in divorce applications, led by young couples, is quite clear: The inevitability of basic disagreements during the isolation process of up to forty-five days and physical distancing (for example, slamming the door and leaving the house, drinking a glass of friends and distracting head) is not possible. even disputes get out of hand. If you are one of those who say "There is no problem with us", it is useful to take precautions before starting the defense. Because, according to experts, uncertainty is the most important stress factor in relationships. Not being able to foresee when the conditions that compel us to maintain social distance and stay at home will disappear, even couples who supposedly get along like a rose and enjoy spending time with each other can shake the relationships.
It shouldn't be surprising that the coronavirus pandemic has seeped into our relationships. Because, everything has changed since December 2019, when we read the news from China broadly as if we were on another planet, felt lucky not to travel to Wuhan, and could not calculate the impact of globalization on the epidemic. So much so that the epidemic is at our door today, it has forced us to change our traditional behaviors and move to a new order.
As the measures that started with flight restrictions resulted in countries and even cities closing their borders, the dynamics of the relationship evolved. Weddings were suspended. Couples intent on divorce were trapped in the same household. Even worse, lovers, families, parents and children fell apart. On the other hand, ordinary activities such as getting air, taking a walk, taking the kids to the park, meeting the person you like have become life and death issues. Shopping at grocery stores and pharmacies has turned into street activities that are both anxious and delightful, especially in cities such as Paris and London, where curfews are imposed.
Although what we can do in macro terms is limited when we review the course, there is something we can control in our personal life. In particular, it is possible to take the reins in one-to-one relationships. How Does? You could start with advice from relationship and sex therapist Aoife Drury, for example. “Don't make guesses,” the mental health expert enters in an interview with The Independent. “Most of the time, we assume our partner feels the same way we do. However, this is an incorrect approach. Because it can lead to false expectations. It may bring with it delusions, resentment and distancing. " As a solution, Drury suggests that instead of trying to read your partner's mind, you engage in open and transparent dialogue with him: “We are going through a period that people have not experienced before. Everyone's way of dealing with reality will be different. " The therapist is also aware that bad news can manifest as anxiety, fear and anger in the body. His advice is simple: “Be honest. Be sure to share your feelings with your partner. If necessary, indicate that you can behave out of character. Although this is not a valid excuse for being rude, it will help the other person understand and tolerate you from time to time. "
For some, the key to maintaining a healthy relationship in quarantine is to accept the situation as it is. But Jones, the head of the Relate organization, warns: “While you want to be instantly informed about any developments related to the outbreak, your partner may choose to take a break from the news. Remember to respect each other's mental space and spiritual integrity. "